omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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