At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
