Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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