so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
