Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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