Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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