I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
