you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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