i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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