Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
