I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
