I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
