What did we do last night that was yellow?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
