I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
