just survived the first fart of the relationship.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
