We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
