She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
