I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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