dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
