some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
