and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
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We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
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It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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