Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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