It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
