i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize