im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
