my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
