Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize