omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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