First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
