she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
