They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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