Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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