I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
jump out the window naked night went bad
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