i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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