She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
