I'm so fucking centered right now
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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