Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
