T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
