Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
