Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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