Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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