i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm sobbing to NWA
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize