His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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