you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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