I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
