I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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