we have officially lost it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
