remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
