dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
