I cockslap morals
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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