You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
