I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
