If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
