This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
