It's Friday. Sex?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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