Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize