If i come over, it means nothing
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
