The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
