im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize