we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
