He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
