She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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