it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
