Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
im holly from the hills drunk
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
